I LOOOOOVE KENYA DEEPLY & DEARRLY 
yeah , Im one of those kenyans in the diaspora who CANT stay away from kenyan newsites & kenyan blogs ; One of those Kenyans who still listens online to Kenyan radio in the morning & who spends waaaaay too much money on phone bills calling kenyans anywhere in the world just to speak some swahili & kikuyu with someone – anyone out there who will indulge & feels on top of the world afterwards !! YES ill admit it …Im one of those overenthusiastic kenyans who secretly thinks we are a race all by ourselves, that during creation there was an 8th day & thats when ‘kenyans’ were created !
And I miss the place !!! I crave for that energy in the city, for the spirit of the land _ its everywhere . Its in the preachers in the buses & the street corners, the loud mathrees & the kanges, the loud carefree friday nights in westy ….the sounds of the market ha ha ha … ni ya leo ni ya leo … mbao mbao ..ashu ashu; its in the throngs in the churches, the busy bodies & not so busy bodies at kencom, ambassador & raillways bus staion, the grapevine news in the mtaa & you have seen it in the eyes of Kenyans , the resilience in those eyes that say to the world BRING IT !!! & oooooh its in the little mtura gatherings - i missss mtura badly, ha ha ha its the very best of Kenya & its pure bliss & I loooove, miiiiss – craaave aaaaaaaalllllll of it !!!
Here’s the Irony , when I left kenya , there was no party & mbuzi being slaughtered for me & there was no bus carrying my relatives from upcountry /pals to escort me!! Nope _ I got the visa & on the same day booked the 6am flight out of Nairobi, threw some stuff In a suit case, gave my brother the keys to my flat, spent the night with my immediate family, texted those I could goodbye & without decent farewells to my friends & loved ones, at 6am I was out of there !! Running for my dear life ! you see after the 2007 election , I saw the worst of kenya, the subtle ugly side of the society as a whole & it did everything it could to destroy my spirit, my mind & yes even my body . It did not succeed but in doing so, it brought out the best & worst in me !!! It gutted my insides & caused me sooooooo much pain I became numb.It introduced me to demons that I am fighting todate & shook me to the core of my being ! To this day , Im shaken. I truly believe if I stayed there one more year I would not have made it , I was drained, Spiritually, mentally , emotionally name it !!
At the time, I did all I could to draw attention to my situation, I spoke of my situation everywhere I could , ‘shouted from the mountain tops’ desperate not to become a statistic & I sometimes felt like a wet chick trying to get her voice through a crowd of Manchester united fans !!! no one noticed me!! And those who did , wanted me to shut up & branded me a big mouth. Thats when I had my aha moment (got to looooooove Oprah:) !! It hit me that if they ever silenced me , If I ever shut up & sat at a corner, then they could do anything they ever wanted to do to me . I could mysteriously dissapear like all the other youths in kenya who disappear into thin air & are never heard of again . I had to make sure my voice was out there , shouting , screaming , praying, crying, texting , emailing & yes eventually it worked, it saved my life & Im safe .
Yet though I cried hard, through it all I smiled & laughed hard, I had some incredible times with some of you reading this , times I will never forget . I dont think you will ever know what it meant to me . Thanks to you all who gave me life at a time when death surrounded me . Thanks to you who made me laugh till I cried, took me dancing & even gave me a shoulder to lean on & cry on !! Thank you for the warm hugs & cuddles .Thanks to those who joined hands and prayed with me .Thanks to those who introduced this church girl to tequila, sambuka & red ice 
Thanks for remembering my birthday & for the birthday party. Thanks for loving me at a time when I felt totally unlovable.You see I had to; I had to cry then laugh, despair then hope, lock myself up inside & then go out and have a great time .. because I wasnt done with life !! Oh no .. Im just starting out.
I write today because I find myself in a huge dilemma. See a few weeks ago, a pal I miss terribly in kenya told me of a little reunion that will be going down next month & they beggged me to book a flight & go home & be there for it ! I actually started thinking of the very cheap tickets that are available now to Kenya & how easy it would be for me to get a few weeks off next month _ then it hit me I CAN NOT GO TO KENYA !! I actually CAN NOT go home because ill be in danger again & I might not get out this time !! Damn that hurt !!! The realisation felt like someone was gutting my insides all over again !! And then it got worse. Last week I watched a harrowing, painful documentary that I hope you all have watched (if not please do) on CNN _ WORLDS UNTOLD STORIES – LOCKED UP & FORGOTEN (
http://edition.cnn.com/CNNI/Programs/untoldstories/
) BY David Mckenzie & his team (: that fiiiiine brother that decided to call Kenya home – clever one Its basically on the state of the mental health system in kenya . A story we all know & that badly needed to be told . GOD ITS DIFFICULT TO WATCH …I could only watch it in bits & pieces.. it took me a whole week to get through the whole documentary . And Just when I was starting to get over the pain, the BBC aired part 1 of a documentary on life in Kibera. I know we think we’ve heard & seen it all before but this is HARD CORE. For charity this British celebs strip themselves of everything they know including cash and they live & work as proper immigrants in Kibera for a week .They get down & dirty and they manage to capture the essence of the place , the pain, the hopelessness & yes the resilience . ITS HARD CORE & again painfull to watch . If you havent seen it please do (
http://www.bbc.co.uk/i/z6dnn/
) The indignity these 1 million plus people live in is mind blowing .
These two painful, shamefull truths of a broken society & broken spirits, reflect voices that have been silenced by the powers that be for decades & the western media have gone and done it again, given them their voices back _ maybe they too will make it .But as a Patriotic Kenyan watching this was so hard !! Knowing how billions of dollars are pocketed through corruption each year & how this money could easily sort out these two problems & any other facing our society. Knowing how much apathy there is in the kenyan society , having experienced it personally. Having lived through it & seeing how this indifference almost destroyed me… I know how fast it can destroy EVERYTHING and After 2007/2008 & After watching this two dark but true documentaries, Im sorry to say I think the society is hanging on a thread. It begs the question is it too late for Kenya? Is this thread about to give in ?? If the British public have to raise millions for issues as these (and oh they will !! these people give like theres no tomorrow) for this people to have hope , while across the road from Kibera afluence is in display _ cormfortable, indifferent & impassive. It has brought me to the place where I feel as though we have crossed the line & its time for me to turn away & forget. It hurts for me to say this but Forget Kenya. Forget the future I dreamt for my children in a bright & prosperous nation . We are never getting back from here & yes the west are going to remain our ‘caretakers’ coz clearly we cant handle our own Sh***##!! (litelary -watch the docs)
Have we crossed the point of no return as a society !!!?? am I wrong ?? Most of the people I grew up with in my hood are out here in the diaspora, half my friends from high school & college are out here . And dont doubt it, we had BIG dreams growing up of what we would do to make Kenya GREAT !!! Maybe they realised this ages ago & I being the ‘slow one’ Im just catching up with the times.I dont see a way out & I Painfully admit, Im done !! Done dreaming, done hoping , Im turning my energies elsewhere. But before I do Please tell me, as sons, daughters & friends of Kenya, as part of this generation, do you see a future for our kids in that beloved, gorgeous land or was 2007/2008 the tip of the iceberg ?? And if there is a future , how are we to build one because its all tumbling down right now … have u turned away as well ?? Am I wrong ?? God I hope , Im wrong …. please tell me im wrong??
those eyes = our resilience
Taking the chance to give up on our country means that we are forgetting the troubles we have endured and managed to build a bridge through. Today and yesterday are all days we need to carry to understand the achievements and experiences we have gone through. For our independence, we had to watch detentions take place and to see our society destroyed gives m an insight as to how vulnerable and weak our values are. To give up on love means Mathenge, Dedan Kimathi, Jomo Kenyatta, Marcus Garvey, Julius Nyerere, Nelson Mandela and other great patriots did nothing in their struggle to create a reason to hope. Kenya is a great nation but the pain that seeks to destroys us should be the pain that leads us to yearn and pursue change so we can protect the next generation from the same mistakes we make. Hope never dies so lets keep the future at bay.
” the pain that seeks to destroys us should be the pain that leads us to yearn and pursue change so we can protect the next generation from the same mistakes we make.” Couldn’t agree more Becky!!! Thank you for the rminder
The fabric of Kenya society is coming apart at the seams we need to address the rot quickly or scenes like those witnessed in 2007 will become a regular occurrence. Great article.
It’s great to read something that’s both enjoyable and provides paragmatic solutions.
Glad you enjoyed it Eddi.I would love to hear your ideas
Wow that took me so back into time…damn u may have just ieinsrpd me to do re-runs of my old posts.
More or less Kenya is hopeless. But then again it is ‘our’ country (it is more of some pple’s country than others). Others can only try to help us but we gotta do it ourselves. We can’t only be vocal in noticing our problems, we have to do something about them.
Thank you for taking your time Billy. Hopeless ? Kindlt help me understand why u believe that ?
We as a country have given politicians and tycoons with vested interests controll over the country. We may try to vote differently and be more vocal but like PLO once said “the monkeys are still the same only the forest has changed”. Politics rules kenya and some people behind the scenes decide that politics. Will we ever get rid of all of this? Honestly I am not sure
I am so thankfull for your honesty !! Denying these ills will not get us anywhere ! the first is what you have done … Face and acknowledge the truth . Then do your part , then hope & pray !!! More so the latter we need all of heaven to get rid of them !!!
Change starts with one person who sees beyond the present, who sees something better than today, who looks at a hopeless situation and sees what it could be instead of getting discouraged by what it is. I believe in Kenya and I believe in God and I and other like minded individuals shall be the transformers of Kenya. Nothing is bigger than God, NOTHING, not even the deplorable state Kenya is IN RIGHT NOW. It’s the things we do in our small ways to ensure the situation changes. Start a chain of change today, empower and educate one poor child and they shall change their whole family, commit yourself to making Kenya the place you want it to be. Don’t litter, don’t bribe, elect a leader you truly believe can be a driver of positive change, be an example and a light. It won’t happen overnight, over a day or even over a year but if everyone commits themselves to The Kenya we want, nothing can stop us.
You’ve, summarized all I wanted to say in just one paragraph. Kudos
“Start a chain of change today, empower and educate one poor child and they shall change their whole family, commit yourself to making Kenya the place you want it to be. Don’t litter, don’t bribe, elect a leader you truly believe can be a driver of positive change.”
I never understand why we are always so quick to dwell on the ills. What about the great.. growth in ICT, a vibrant and potential filled creative industry, the county opportunities, the freshness Social Media has brought, demystifying of government spending, the MPESa model what about those… aren’t those great things. Why did the mental story make World’s Untold Stories and the MPESA breakthrough only got a slot in the Inside Africa CNN Magazine… #my thoughts
As a person who went through #PEV (Post election Violence).I must say none of those great achievements mattered to me while my very existence was being threatened, when my spirit was being broken and when my dreams were being shattered. As Mahatma Ghandi said, “A nation’s greatness is measured by how it treats its weakest members.” and Churchill said that you measure the degree of civilisation of a society by how it treats its weakest members. We cannot ignore the 60% of Nairobians who live in the slums and celebrate the achievements of the middleclass. We cannot ignore the impunity that keeps security and dignity as a preserve of the rich and hail technological advancements. We are getting it all wrong !!!
There No solutions here. SO yeah run! Maybe one day you will come home, maybe not. Maybe one day you’ll feel safer (tho thats mind over matter) maybe not. as much as the world is flat and you dont have to be in Kenya its still round and many many great things are happening here. i’ve lived in a few other places so yeah i can tell you this. I wouldnt trade being Kenyan, and living in Kenya for the world- but maybe you can.
At the end of the day.. we are more than Kenyans, Americans, German’s Namibians we are global citizens called upon to be more than we can be in this age of opportunity and struggle. So my wish is that you just get happy- nowhere is 100% its an interesting blog post but we cant solve this for you- only you can sort these feelings out yourself. You are obviously not in tune with all the amazing things Kenya and Kenyans are putting out so – I wont purport to say i know how you feel coz i dont.. but Im Kenyan, and many Kenyans have walked in your footsteps and have thrived others.. just like in any other part of the world have for one reason or another havent made it as far. Its all mind over matter.
The time is now. I urge you to forget about Kenya, because Kenya will forget about you.
You are right, I’m actually convinced that I will be fine . God made a way and I am now safe & happy. I can easily forget and yes, The Kenyan society specialises in apathy so I have no doubt that Kenya will forget me too.
What I struggle with is those who are right now where I was back then. Those who will be later on this year as the election draws near where I was this time 4yrs ago. The IDP’s who could not get out like I did. Who are STILL in the camps 4yrs later! The echoes of their cry & their desperate faces are stuck with me & I cannot forget. Maybe it is because I know what it feels to be them, to be where they are right now, stuck in an apathetic society that refuses to listen to your cry & ignores your plight. The injustice they continue to suffer in the hands of impunity to this day keep me up at night. Just like Kenya will forget me , Kenya has forgotten them …But I can not!
I was speechless when I read the post, but this – what @TheMumBi said, is my sentiments exactly.
How did running away help the situation?
Well said MumBi.
Again I ask … Are you a Kenyan who has been through any Post Election Violence or similar experiences or can you put yourself in such shoes ??? Until you know the pain of being in such situations …or empathise .. !
What the…
How are…
I don’t know what to say, so i’ll just say, you’re wrong.
From a Kenyan who didn’t run away.
Are you a Kenyan who has been through any Post Election Violence or similar experiences or can you put yourself in such shoes ???
I will start by saying, You are wrong, but within reason and past experiences which I respect, I believe If you were to ever come and see your motherland, you wouldn’t have to be told we’ve made progress in the right direction. (You shouldn’t fear coming back home, things have changed in that respect)
I personally chose to see the good that my country has to offer nor do I turn a blind eye to her short comings (which If I may add, many other countries experience daily)
I have travelled a lot around the world and in a few African countries, I love and appreciate Kenya now more.
The elections of 2007 left every many shattered and shocked, but we have to heal and get back to nation building, but never forget how low we went and we have to pray daily for Kenya and its leaders.
Finally I’m encouraged by the amount of Kenyans returning home, My hope & thoughts are for most Kenyans in the diaspora to return home and continue building the nation and to put the government of the day in check.
Thank you for your time Emma, I believe you . I and I agree when you say that we should pray and that Kenyans should keep the sgovernmnt in check. If we do these two things then there will be hope.
It isn’t enough to talk about peace. One must believe in it. & it isn’t enough to believe in it. One must work at it. -Eleanor Roosevelt
Perhaps you start by coming to Uganda and I take you to the border and you can look across, in Busia / Uganda or at Masaba … and then you can take a deep breath and look at the situation afresh … I remember 2008 and how friends of mine came over here in shock and panic … but things have changed and if ever I can get you on the road to your motherland, I will collect you from Entebbe and take you within touching distance … have courage, your writings show you have it …
This is a great piece! Keep it up. Very patriotic!
Thank you Michael I will indeed keep writting ! Cheers
My dear, you ain’t alone in this tragedy that has, is and will continue to befall our countries in Africa, this is due to the share greed of our leaders in collusion with some greedy western elites have worked against every thing that we stand for as a people and as a country. As much as I would want to loose hope and throw in the towel, leave everything behind and move somewhere else, there is still that gut feeling that there is light at the end of the tunnel. The corruption that has eaten deep into our fabric as a people, has in so doing blinded our hearts to the truth even if it stares at us and deep down we know it is the truth. But greed has made it seem and look as if it is the right thing to do.
But, I’ve resolved not to give up, my country, my people will overcome. I believe in the power of the one collective and unflinching resolve, when people irrespective of religion, ethnicity, tribe and colour stand together, to fight for what is theirs without a resort to violence and destruction. I believe that day is not too far, if it is going to take the last drop of blood, the last breathe of air and the last mussel of muscle in me, I’ll do it standing for what is right. Because it is my fight and I cannot leave to anyone else but me. Giving up is denial that will always comeback to stare at me when I would not have the strength, the energy to summon the courage to do the right thing.
The right thing to do now is to stand, sit and fight for what I believe in.
The government in my country is no different from what obtains in your country, but I believe, if anyone can do it, why not me, us?
I’m a Nigerian and the path to achieving greatness, good governance is is not lined with ice creams and make believe tales, it is lined with thorns that must touched to get to enjoy the beauty of the rose.
I’m a Nigerian and in Nigeria I will remain to salvage her like a ship doomed to sink, but will remain afloat!
Like CLF, I can't wait to read more. Thank you for sharing your experience in Kenya.
You are not alone and even some of those who left our beloved country earlier have STORIES to behold! but your excuse cannot cause you selfexiled for life.Some of us have been travelling to and fro and investing heavily there. It is natural.Our children have become Eurocitizenry but are made aware of their origins.There could be some hope.Rotten politicians who do not think about the poor and undeveloped.Politicians who go out of their way to see them amassing from the public kits.Sometimes I feel so bad on hospitals ,small village projects to help the ordinary.If Kenya did not totally sink during 2007/2008 then it will remain afloat forever.Have heart forgive others as you are forgiven Amen
tabasamu monologues.. your blog is very catchy and yeah you kinda make a point (well done) however, you forget one little tiny thing;… east or west home is always the best.. you probably cant go back for the reunioun because of one other little thing,..you know, yo visa.sorry didnt mean to be sarcastic. I also watched the docmentaries, before i left kenya for my studies i was a social worker at kibera with an NGO. all i can say is you know absolutely nothing until you work with the people concerned.. you can watch, cry, turn your back and forget kenya but you will always be kenyan… as our athletes win all them gold medals we are proud to be kenyans, as our rugby team fly our flags up high we are proud, as you watch the big cats and the wild beast migration we are even more proud..but it all comes as a package my dear friend. Do you think we are the only broken society? didnt you watch the london riots??? we break and then mend. KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON !!!
Thanks for the insight in your writing. It’s taken me aback to the whole Kenyan/African scenario which through my experiences is shared among alot of other countries. For me the solution is we have to go back to our African spirituality and separe ourselves from the western cultures of materialism and we must stand as one and in the end we shall overcome this bunch of corrupt, war mongering clowns of politicians. Keep the hope burning as our ancestors wou’nt let as down. Hotep!
Great article, but as much as a see where you are coming from, i also don’t agree with much of it, reason being that you, i and others makes Kenya/Africa hence the reason we call ourselves Kenyans/Africans. Therefore each an everyone of us has their part/obligation to play inorder to build and bring our country/continent at par with the countries some of us are running to.
Don’t forget most of the western countries went through similar pathway to get where they are! The only difference is the time and i believe our time is coming maybe not 2moro as all we would want but believe me it is coming.
As Bob Marley said ‘no one can stop the time,not even an atomic bomb’. So my dear fellow Kenyan, do not forfeit your obigation and wait for other kenyans to do their part just for you to come n party, no no no, your call is calling my dear!